september reflections

september reflections

This month we’re gonna talk about friendships: managing our friendships and removing ourselves from the toxic ones. As adults, we have collected friends from many different areas of our lives and they all have different functions and purposes (that’s a whole other blog post). We have school friends, work friends, uni friends, church friends, housemate friends, yoga friends, football friends, holiday friends etc etc etc.

When was the last time you stopped and thought about whether you should continue making an effort with all of your friends? Perhaps one has said something that has upset you or you just don’t feel that spark anymore – what do you do?

As my friend Ginevra rightly points out, it is so easy for us to rid ourselves of romantic relationships that are bad for us/we are not deserving of, but we find it difficult to address the same kinds of problems in platonic friendships.

I often hear people saying “but we’ve been friends for YEARS” as an excuse for putting up with somebody’s problematic behaviour… why??? Do we not deserve better? We cannot continue to be loyal to people simply because of the passage of time. Life will always go on but we don’t need to keep dragging those people along for the ride.

Having a supportive network of friends is a vital component of maintaining good mental health. If you are letting people in that do not deserve to be there, you could be putting your own well-being in danger.

REAL MOMENT: There have been a few occasions this year when friends have had to tell me that I am being a bad one. Obviously it’s never a fun conversation to have, but once it’s had, you can move forward with a stronger friendship than ever. It’s really important that we communicate how we truly feel with those close to us, pent up resentment will never produce good things.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your current friendships. As you will see, these questions are also about you being a great friend too:

  • Which friends can I rely on? Who is in my inner circle?
  • Which friends did I make memories with this month?
  • What role do I play in my friends life? Do I add anything to their life? Do I elevate them? Am I supportive of their ambitions?
  • Do I need to have an honesty moment with some people?
  • Which friends would I hate to be stuck on a desert island with?
  • Do I need to break up with that friend?
  • Would I recommend my friends as great friends to others?
  • Do my friends place value on me as a person? Do they care about me?
  • Do I communicate with my friends? Do I ask them how they are often enough? Am I listening?
  • Do you speak well of your friends to others? If no, RED FLAG.
  • Now that I have put some thought into this, what conversations do I need to have? Which friends do I need to see more/less often? Which friends do I need to check in with?

Loads of love,

han X

p.s. feel free to contact me with any queries/suggestions you have